One fine day yesterday, … and today!


I’m having a cold, so the horoscope today made a huge mistake about my health condition. But it was right about other things: my sense of humor and spirit were soaring in their highest level today. I went to campus – it was already in its holiday mood. I kept sneezing and having a runny nose, but it didn’t stop me from poking fun of some unlucky students and colleagues of mine. As long as everyone’s happy, why not? Not to mention the extra money I got for teaching at the pharmacy dept. Hurray! I was thinking of Bali for a vacation next January. And some bapak-bapak genit in the PBI common room made a request if they could come along to see me in bikini. Why not? I’m generous, am I not? Yeah, like they can afford going to Bali! And I’m not talking finance-wise. Their break will end on January 2 next year, while mine… 2 weeks after that. Cantik!!!

But, as a matter a fact, it’s hard to keep up your gaiety when you’re sick. And hungry. Because that’s what happened next at home. I was so ready to swear at everybody when, miraculously enough, my little girl saved me. She brought me food with a smile on her face… that little angel of mine!

Olga and mom

Another surprise that I should add here: Olga gave me a pretty drawing of her and me this morning. Sooo… it’s a mother’s day today! Selamat hari ibu!!!

Wanted: deus ex machina

I don’t believe in the word toleration, though I can’t help tolerating others’ behaviors and actions at times. Living in a culture where you should have one of the five officially approved religions written on your national ID, I’ve learned also to acknowledge lies and hypocrisy. No need to say how much they irritate me – yes, I am that nice girl. Besides, it doesn’t help to be radical in this country when it comes to not having any religious belief, trust me. It’s not worth it.

It was a fine Sunday morning. I took Olga to her Sunday school (she is in a prep to receive her first holy communion). The night before she told me that next week there would a recollection and all parents were invited. I wonder if I could skip, I asked her half-jokingly. That good girl of mine said no. She then asked if I still remembered how to say prayers. I remembered, at least, The Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary.

“Do you still pray at all, mom?” she asked me one night. I told her that I didn’t want to burden God. He must have been swamped in work, answering prayers, I said. She laughed, but I could read concern on her face. “But what if,” she further asked. “What if you were on an airplane and it’s about to crash, wouldn’t you pray?” I would. Also in situations like when my loved ones are seriously ill. I would so… absurdly… inconsistently… pray. Hoping for a miracle to work.

Other than those extremes, I’d rather work things out by myself, or at least, by help of others (human beings). That’s why I hate how things work in the mainstream Hollywood movies. The deus ex machina mentality that they inherently possess. Things aren’t always that sweet, honey!

What I can accept about religion and its practices is that it is an effort in search for comfort and peace of mind. Like using drugs, nail biting, and sometimes, telling lies and being hypocritical. The recollection next Sunday? I’ll think up of something.

Agama: monggo…

Sudah kurang lebih tiga tahun ini aku nggak ke gereja, atau beribadah dengan cara agama apapun. Aku nggak lagi menemukan alasan untuk “berlangganan majalah” yang namanya religi. Tapi aku bukan atau belum menjadi seorang atheis. Dalam kasus-kasus yang tergolong ekstrem, sulit rasanya untuk nggak berpaling ke “sesuatu di sana” itu. Aku memang nggak konsisten.

Sejak kemarin di rumahku kedatangan tamu. Mbah Suster, adiknya Mbah Ti yang biarawati itu. Dan hari ini Olga, anakku, cerita bahwa Mbah Suster menanyainya ke mana dia pergi ke gereja. Dan pertanyaan selanjutnya, “Kalau mama, ke gereja mana?” Tentu saja anakku jujur bilang, “Biasanya sih nggak…” Bagus

Di Facebook, bagian “religious views” sekedarnya aku menulis Beckettian, alias aliran absurdisme ala penulis Endgame itu. “You’re on earth, there’s no cure for that.” Banyak hal di dunia ini yang begitu karena menerangkan dari kacamata positivisme adalah sama juga absurd. Tapi jangan kira kehidupanku yang sekarang ini suram ya. Menjadi skeptis bukan berarti nggak bisa menikmati hidup. Justru anehnya aku merasa ringan dan, kalau boleh kubilang, bahagia (walaupun seorang teman pernah bilang bahwa kebahagiaanku semu. Prek lah!) Sungguh, aku nggak ingin bikin masalah sama orang-orang yang beragama, karena untuk nilai-nilai sosial tertentu aku masih bisa berdamai. Ini mengingatkanku pada suamiku. Aku baca di blognya perang argumen antara dirinya dan salah seorang sobatnya yang religius. Panas. Sengit – walaupun tetap mempertahankan logika. Terkadang dia memang suka ekstrem dan mempersulit diri sendiri. Nggak praktis.

Beberapa minggu lalu dia mengirimkan satu kartu pos bergambar salib raksasa di atas bukit. Di baliknya dia menuliskan, “Anggap saja sebagai lelucon.” Kalau Tuhan ada, aku mau bilang Dia…