then and now

i’m an alumna of “life is heavy” school
do you remember?
when dad died of lies and heavy pills
and mom died alone, eyes not properly
shut. do you remember?
i was so attentive. sickly but
serene, and attentive
you made poems of me like i
ceased to be living
i rented a big love to you
you wouldn’t be able to
pay me
i fed your eyes with longing
for my saliva
where were you when i was
on my death bed?

“life is so light” said the doctor
it is only an outline,
a dwarf’s wish to kiss the
giant’s forehead
so where are you now when i’m
all right and tentatively happy?
what do you fill your pockets with?
will i find you on the riverbed?

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